Trying

There are deeper things that rattle around in my brain and consume my heart. Sometimes I wonder if this is the place to put them but then I remember why I start blogging in the first place. From a post in Feb. of this year I said, "I decided that documenting the little things, big things and all the in between things that occur in any given family is history being made. All that wonderful stuff deserves a special place of record. " So with that in mind, I wanted to record my feelings. This won't be life changing for you, but for me it was another whispering of how aware our Heavenly Father knows each of his children. First, this exchange took place yesterday afternoon and opened the flood gates:

I overheard Cooper and Maddison playing together. I don't know exactly what they were doing because they were in the other room but I could hear laughter and bits and pieces of their conversation. At one point I heard Maddison say to Cooper, "No, try it again. More like this." There was a pause where I assumed that she demonstrated the technique for whatever they were doing. Cooper would say "okay" and try it again. This went back and forth a couple of times and then I heard Cooper's voice, "Sis, I'm trying the best I can." He didn't sound mean, frustrated or upset. His voice sounded like he was truly pleading for her understanding and help. His sincere plea actually made me stop for a moment. It tugged on my heart. As I went to bed, my mind was churning again: "Am I trying the best I can?" It seems so sneaky the way The Great Deceiver parades his mantra around in our minds. It can be debilitating. I pushed hard against the feeling of just accepting my mistakes, of being content to just get by and to believe that I was doing enough. I found myself feeling as childlike as Cooper. I was sincerely seeking understanding and help from my Heavenly Father. And when we are still and let the Master work his miracles, we find the comfort and peace we seek. I'm grateful indeed.