Sis...

 I love my sweet Maddison Joy with all my heart.

 

It consumes me sometimes.

 

That love.

 

 

It literally can make me crazy.

Wanting nothing but joy, love and safety to be hers.

 

 

I would move mountains to provide it for her.
 

Learning that I can't...

Is oh. so. very. hard.


I learned the reality of this when Sis came face to face with gut wrenching disappoints that would, quite honestly, rock her world.  It sounds dramatic.

It was.

The short of it all (because the long of it is etched in our experience)...

The Lady Hawks came up one game short of playing for the High School State Basketball Championship.
The work, the sweat, the tears.  The girls were ready.
It just didn't happen.

The very next day Maddison got the news that she was "denied" at BYU.
The work, the sweat, the tears.  This girl was ready.
It just didn't happen.

I couldn't fix it.  I couldn't change it.  I couldn't hug it away.
All I had was a bunch of lame words of comfort that sounded empty, even to my own ears.

It is excruciating to stand back and watch your child hurt.
I have never wished so hard to be a super hero.
To have the strength to move mountains in her behalf.

With a mother's swollen heart, I turned to my Heavenly Father and pleaded for her.

Thankfully I know that is where I would find the strength I needed.
I prayed she would find it as well.

Then together at times, and separate at others we
slowly, piece by piece, began to pick up the bits of an exploded balloon.

There are lots of pieces and we are still gathering.