Reflection

This is so L-O- N -G!! It's for the sake of record keeping. You can skip it or go grab yourself a snack and settle in.

Our stake youth went and returned from a Pioneer Trek this past weekend. Having had this experience for myself twice already, I was so excited as the youth prepared to go. I was really looking forward to hearing their testimonies upon their return. But what all this did for me was give me a gift. This was the gift of reflection and a renewing of my testimony. I am recording my gift here because it has been powerful for me and my feelings have been so tender. I've been brought to tears many times over the course of the week ~ even sitting with a couple of dear friends at a little restaurant in Chandler.

I remember precisely when I came to have my own understanding of what it meant to be a daughter of God, that He knew me, loved me and would always be beside me. I was a Beehive and at Girls Camp. The leaders prepared an experience for us where we worked as a team (no talking allowed) to get through some obstacles. We then joined hands, still no talking, and were blindfolded and led to an area where we were separated from one another and told that this was time for us to think and ponder. Our blindfolds were to remain in place. I remember being so scared. I just stood there being afraid, so I sat down right where I was. I put my hands in my lap and bowed my head. The silence seemed to suffocate me. I began to pray and ask for comfort. Soon the sounds of nature broke through and became a soothing serenade. I really began to listen and listen closely. I heard something in the distance. It was someone singing. It wasn't long and other voices were joining the song. The singing was constant but seemed to stay at a distance. The words of "I Am a Child of God" and "Teach Me to Walk in the Light" were like a breeze through the meadow. I felt peaceful. I could hear the singing getting a little louder, closer to me little by little. Then right beside me I could hear a leader singing. She sang for a moment and then slowly moved away as I could hear the footsteps retreat and the music fading. This happened a couple more times ~ the soothing voice was right beside me and then it would fade away. Suddenly I was confused and afraid again. What am I supposed to do?? Do I just sit here?? I put my head in my hands and I began to cry, uncontrollably really. I wanted help desperately! I wanted someone to save me! I began to pray and plead with my Heavenly Father ~ Help me! Help me! Soon the singing was coming nearer. This time I recognized the voice. It was one of my own leaders. I loved her so much and I knew she loved me. She stood beside me and sang. Her voice was soft and yet it was filled with power. Still crying, I reached for her. I could not touch her. I reached again. Still no touch but she was right there singing. A still small voice whispered to my heart "Stand and follow her". I stood up and reached again. Soon I was walking toward her voice, reaching for her. My steps were unsteady through the meadow but I knew she wouldn't let me fall. I followed her voice, blindfolded and crying to a place where finally she took my hands and sat me next to someone. I joined hands with young women on either side of me and all of us were singing together. The Spirit filled the meadow and I KNEW I was in the right place. I had listened and obeyed and the Spirit filled my heart to overflowing. I thought I was going to burst. As a 12 year old girl I knew I had had a personal experience with my Heavenly Father. Not knowing why or where I was going but because I KNEW my Heavenly Father loved me, I learned that sometimes you just have to trust and stand up and follow.

That event then led me to my unforgettable experience on the trek. I was a Mia Maid. That was an unbelievable 26 years ago. It was organized a bit differently then. We went for five days and it covered a weekend so we had our Sunday meetings on the trail. Hearing the sacrament prayers and partaking of the sacrament on a mountain top was truly a holy experience. I knew I was being helped by angels during the Women's Pull. I spent my Solo time (a six hour time period away from everyone with nothing but you, your journal, your scriptures and the Lord) feeling like I was having as close to an Enos experience as I ever would. There were many other moments where I felt the Lord's warm embrace. It is hard to find the words to express how personal it felt. Like it was all planned for me. It was like Heavenly Father was saying to me "Andrea, this is your time! This is your time to come unto me! It's your time to know that this is my work. That you are mine and I want you back home again. You will need an unshakable testimony of this truth throughout your life so I'm giving you these gifts now. This is your time!" My love and gratitude for the pioneers grew immensely. That was a given for anyone that participated. But for me, the firm knowledge I gained of my divine worth and His love and constant watch over me was nothing short of my own personal miracle. And yes, my Heavenly Father has been right - I have called upon these moments and memories to pull me through the journey of life.

I'm grateful beyond words for the gift of reflection. I have been blessed to once again have the burning fire of testimony fill my heart and soul.